1. 10 Feb


    spoiler alert: we didn’t win i’ve proven to be many things but, historically, a gracious loser is not one of them. (how about the time when i insisted it was a conspiracy that the only other girl on our otherwise all-boy country club ice hockey team won the sportsmanship award? as my wise parents dragged me out of that awards reception, i protested that it must of been her over me only because her family owned the blackhawks. poor form. and what 4th grader knows about conspiracy theories?) but yesterday, after a decent presentation to the star-studded jury, we were told to expect a 3 o’clock call from barry bergdoll, informing us of our fate. over a leisurely lunch on the UES with my best friend, i was cautiously optimistic and held tight. our project was exceptional, as the jury told us post-presentation, in its concept and in the amount of work produced. that’s something to be proud of, most certainly. except i watched them file into the room at 12:15 and it was obvious in their faces that they had already picked the winner in their mind. it would be much easier to say that we lost to a mediocre project and that we were robbed. but we weren’t. i thought i’d be disappointed, bitter, devastated, angry. but i wasn’t. a touch sad, of course. but when we got the call, i felt numb. it could be the exhaustion. it could be that i was with my best friend - who cushioned my disappointment so astutely, i barely registered the drop. it could be the satisfaction in knowing that i carried my own weight with aplomb. it could be that we lost to an exciting project by the only nyc firm in the mix. i was the only one on our team with any concrete knowledge of what the installation entails. having had the privilege of working at work ac during 2008’s PF1, i knew full well what was ahead if we had won. especially orchestrating it (primarily) from chicago. and so maybe it was relief. but it’s a tad soon to tell. i just know that over dinner last night with david and danielle, i surprised myself by urging them to make time to go to a warm up party at MoMA/PS1 this summer. and to all locals and visitors, i’d say the same thing. but between then and now, the most important thing i’d like to say to you all is thank you all of your thoughtful notes, good vibes and kind encouragement over the past few days (few months, actually) made my heart swell. i could feel it. so thank you from my swollen, but not broken, heart.

    spoiler alert: we didn’t win

    i’ve proven to be many things but, historically, a gracious loser is not one of them.

    (how about the time when i insisted it was a conspiracy that the only other girl on our otherwise all-boy country club ice hockey team won the sportsmanship award? as my wise parents dragged me out of that awards reception, i protested that it must of been her over me only because her family owned the blackhawks. poor form. and what 4th grader knows about conspiracy theories?)

    but yesterday, after a decent presentation to the star-studded jury, we were told to expect a 3 o’clock call from barry bergdoll, informing us of our fate. over a leisurely lunch on the UES with my best friend, i was cautiously optimistic and held tight. our project was exceptional, as the jury told us post-presentation, in its concept and in the amount of work produced.

    that’s something to be proud of, most certainly.

    except i watched them file into the room at 12:15 and it was obvious in their faces that they had already picked the winner in their mind.

    it would be much easier to say that we lost to a mediocre project and that we were robbed.

    but we weren’t.

    i thought i’d be disappointed, bitter, devastated, angry.

    but i wasn’t.

    a touch sad, of course.

    but when we got the call, i felt numb.

    it could be the exhaustion. it could be that i was with my best friend - who cushioned my disappointment so astutely, i barely registered the drop. it could be the satisfaction in knowing that i carried my own weight with aplomb. it could be that we lost to an exciting project by the only nyc firm in the mix.

    i was the only one on our team with any concrete knowledge of what the installation entails. having had the privilege of working at work ac during 2008’s PF1, i knew full well what was ahead if we had won. especially orchestrating it (primarily) from chicago.

    and so maybe it was relief.

    but it’s a tad soon to tell.

    i just know that over dinner last night with david and danielle, i surprised myself by urging them to make time to go to a warm up party at MoMA/PS1 this summer. and to all locals and visitors, i’d say the same thing.

    but between then and now, the most important thing i’d like to say to you all is

    thank you

    all of your thoughtful notes, good vibes and kind encouragement over the past few days (few months, actually) made my heart swell. i could feel it.

    so thank you from my swollen, but not broken, heart.

     
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  6. relovingit said: Ah, I’m so sorry. Congrats on all the hard work you did, though, and on putting together what sounds like an incredible project.
  7. relovingit liked this
  8. socalledlife said: I see MUCH grace in you!
  9. socalledlife liked this
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  14. my-little-kumquat said: you worked so hard & I am sorry you didn’t win. wow what a post though. still. I also played ice hockey with all boys & think your 4th grade self might have been on to something. much love xo
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  20. citizenmichelle said: my heart just broke a little but not a lot bc I know there will be bigger & different things ahead for you!
  21. justcheckingin liked this
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  27. gasp-shock said: 1) I love that you played ice hockey as a wee erehwyna, and 2) what a great attitude. I am certain you did Chicago proud!
  28. maggie-explains-it-all liked this
  29. champagnetoasts said: Sending you so much love this evening. We all know what heart you put into this and that, my dear, makes you our rock star!!! [see that- you didn’t even have to buy an NHL team!]
  30. champagnetoasts liked this
  31. hellokatie said: you are a rockstar either way!
  32. thisisthelifeichose liked this
  33. umcanyounot said: love to you, k. sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted (and worked so hard for).
  34. cupofchi liked this
  35. thekimenator said: Dr. jill biden would be VERY PROUD OF YOU!
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  38. erehwyna posted this